


Up Against Your Will

by AmyPond45



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - Werewolf, Brief Reference to Past Rape/Non-con, Fluff, Love at First Sight, M/M, Paranormal, Romance, Werewolf Jared, Werewolves, disabilities as strengths, schmoop with a little angst, soul-mates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-23
Updated: 2016-06-23
Packaged: 2018-07-16 19:38:31
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,231
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7281985
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmyPond45/pseuds/AmyPond45
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen wasn’t planning to rent out the apartment in his basement. But when a tall, handsome stranger offers him a deal he can’t refuse, Jensen puts aside his natural shyness and lets Jared move into his home. Now Jensen’s having intense dreams, hearing strange sounds in the night, and one day he sees a wolf in his backyard. Can Jensen regain his carefully ordered life (and his sanity) before it completely unravels? Or will he give in to his passion for the beautiful blind man with all the wildness in his heart?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Created for the [2016 Meant-to-be Challenge](http://spn-meanttobe.livejournal.com/profile) on LiveJournal.

It had been almost a month since the beautiful blind man moved into Jensen's basement, and Jensen was obsessed.

When he first decided to rent out the basement apartment in his house, it was with the idea of bringing in a little extra income to help with the mortgage. Since his mother's death just over a year ago, the apartment had sat empty; Jensen just never got around to cleaning out his mother's things, and in a way he probably thought he never would. Jensen had always been borderline agoraphobic, although he could function well enough to hold down a job. Just the thought of another person sharing his space, interfering with his routines, forcing him to socialize, usually threatened to bring on a panic attack.

But then one night when Jensen was coming home from the library, there was a man standing across the street, staring at the house, although later Jensen knew that couldn't be true. He had sunglasses on, even though it was twilight, and Jensen felt little shivers going up his spine, prickling along his scalp, along with the unmistakable feeling of being watched.

Jensen's heart raced and his palms started to sweat, and he forced himself not to look back as he crossed the lawn to the front door, slipped the key in the lock. As soon as the door was open he turned back. The man was still there. Even from this distance, Jensen had the impression of power and grace in the tall, slender frame.

Afterwards, Jensen wondered why he didn't call out, ask the guy if he needed help, ask him if there was something Jensen could do for him. But at the time, Jensen felt frozen in place by a force that was almost palpable, staring at the man while the man stared at him, while more chills ran up and down his back and neck. It felt surreal; Jensen half-expected the man to disappear into thin air or turn into a giant cat and spring suddenly toward him with fangs bared.

When the stranger did neither, Jensen finally turned away into his house and closed the door. When he went to look again out the front window, the man was gone.

Jensen ate his left-overs, took a shower and got ready for bed, trying not to think about how creeped out he felt. As he fell asleep he saw the strange man's face in his mind, without his sunglasses, staring straight into Jensen's eyes like he could see into his soul. His eyes were beautiful, green and brown and maybe a little blue, almost golden when the light hit them a certain way, and Jensen was mesmerized, unable to look away until sleep finally overcame him.

The next day as he was getting ready to leave for work, the doorbell rang. A petite brunette with big brown eyes stared up at him when he opened the door.

"Hi. I'm Genevieve," she said as she stuck out her hand. "Somebody at the library told me you have an apartment to rent."

"Uh," Jensen shook her hand, then shook his head. "Who...? I mean yeah, I do. It's not really ready to rent yet, though. Is it – is it for you?"

Genevieve smiled. "Actually, I'm asking for a friend. He's waiting in the car."

Jensen glanced behind her at the sporty little Jeep Cherokee parked on the street in front of his house. Even at this distance, Jensen recognized the man in the car as the mysterious stranger from the day before, and his spine tingled.

"I – I guess I should meet him," Jensen suggested.

"Of course," Genevieve nodded. "Come on over and I'll introduce you."

It was not exactly the way Jensen had imagined interviewing a potential tenant, and it irritated him a little because he felt like he was being asked to pay court to the strange man, which was totally inappropriate since the guy was asking to move into Jensen's house, not the other way around.

But he followed Genevieve over to the car, fighting his racing pulse and sweating palms because the guy was seriously gorgeous, with sharp-cut cheeks and a strong jaw with a perfect day's growth of beard, a high forehead and soft lips. Jensen already knew he was tall and built, so he was grateful in a way that the man was sitting in the passenger seat of the car. It made him less imposing.

He was still wearing those dark glasses, though, and Jensen really wanted to see his eyes, really needed to see if they were as beautiful as they were in his dream.

The passenger-side window was open, and the man tipped his chin up as Jensen and Genevieve approached, seemed to stare right at Jensen with that inscrutable gaze from yesterday, and Jensen stared back, trying not to freak out when the man's expression didn't change. His jaw tightened a little, and Jensen could swear his nostrils flared as Jensen put his hand out in greeting.

"Hi," he said hesitantly. "I'm Jensen."

The man lifted his eyebrows, but he didn't take Jensen's hand, and Jensen was confused. Had he offended the guy somehow without even realizing it?

"Jensen," the stranger repeated, drawing the word out on his tongue, rolling it down his throat. Jensen watched his Adam's apple bob as he swallowed. Then he reached across with his left hand and smiled. "I'm Jared."

Jared's hand stopped in mid-air, nowhere near Jensen's, and suddenly Jensen understood.

Jared was blind.

"Oh," Jensen laughed nervously, grasping Jared's hand in both of his. It was huge and powerful, the long fingers perfectly manicured, and when Jared squeezed subtly Jensen felt a rush of adrenaline surge through him, making him dizzy.

Then the moment passed and Jared was withdrawing his hand, letting those long fingers slide a little too slowly across Jensen's palm.

Things moved quickly after that first meeting. Jared wanted to move in as soon as possible and offered to pay twice the normal rent for the apartment, so after his references checked out Jensen spent the weekend cleaning out the apartment. It was a job he'd been dreading, afraid of the memories and grief it would dredge up, but somehow time had done its work and instead of collapsing on the floor in a weeping, exhausted pile of mourning, Jensen found the energy he needed by thinking about his new tenant moving in as soon as he got the work done.

As a result, the apartment was cleaned and ready earlier than Jensen had expected. He was just carrying the last load of empty bottles and cans to the recycling bin when he got that tingly feeling in his spine that told him he was being watched.

Sure enough, when he turned to gaze out across his front lawn, there was Jared, standing alone, tall and imposing as ever in a long, dark coat and dark glasses. Jensen lifted his hand in greeting, then quickly put it down again, feeling like a fool.

"Hey!" he called instead, hating how his voice cracked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Hey, Jared!"

He hurried to dump his load, planning to cross the lawn to help the blind man, worried about him trying to cross the uneven surface without help.

But when Jensen turned back after closing the lid of the recycling bin, Jared was gone.

Jensen still had the prickly feeling of being watched, though; but once he had satisfied himself that Jared hadn't fallen somewhere in his efforts to cross the lawn or driveway, Jensen shrugged off his feeling of unease and turned to go back into the house.

Jared stood in the doorway, waiting for him.

"How did you – "

It should have freaked him out, maybe raised warning signals in Jensen's brain for all of two seconds. There was probably even a little voice screaming in his head, "Nothing moves that fast! Especially not a blind man! There's something weird going on!"

But Jared looked really good standing there, head tipped to the side, appearing to watch Jensen, a slight smile on his soft pink lips. Jensen was suddenly aware of what a sweaty mess he was, covered in dust and grime after a day spent cleaning and scrubbing. He probably smelled as bad as he looked.

"Can I see the apartment now?" Jared asked, his voice so smooth and soft, like honey with an edge of something sharp, a little hoarse. Sexy as hell.

"Uh, yeah, sure," Jensen recovered as quickly as he could, reminding himself that Jared couldn't really see him, it just seemed that way.

Jensen moved closer, and Jared moved aside to let him pass, but just barely. There was no possibility of Jared not getting a lungful of ripe Jensen as Jensen led the way into his house. It should have made him flush with embarrassment because who was he kidding? Jensen definitely found Jared attractive and hoped Jared felt the same way, even if he couldn't see him. Usually when that happened Jensen was a tongue-tied mess, flushing and stumbling and totally incoherent.

But with Jared, it was different. With Jared, he felt a kind of calm underneath the excitement of attraction, something steadying, like the big man was holding him up, making sure he didn't sprawl awkwardly on the floor at his feet like the love-sick teenager he was inside. It was like Jared knew.

Jensen had never been comfortable in his own body. As a child his mother had received continual offers for him to model for every local clothing store in town, but she had turned every one down. Donna Ackles had been a child actor, and her experience left her bitter and unhappy, if wealthy enough to be self-sufficient and able to raise her son the way she wanted. Jensen had gone to all the right schools, even though he wasn't much of a student, and he had participated in sports and social activities, even though he was painfully shy. He'd learned early to hide his unusual good looks in baggy clothes, beanies, and big thick-rimmed eyeglasses, distrusting most overtures of friendship because he assumed people were only interested in him physically.

Jared was blind.

Jensen wondered if Jared realized how gorgeous he was, decided that of course he did; even if he'd been blind since birth, the man obviously had friends. People had probably been telling him he was beautiful since forever.

But Jared couldn't know what Jensen looked like, could he? Unless that friend of his said something.

_Stop,_ he scolded himself. _Just show the man the apartment._

"It's this way," Jensen gestured, then touched Jared's arm. "Do you need me to guide you?"

"No," Jared smiled, dimples and teeth lighting up his handsome face. "You can just lead the way. Let me know if there are steps."

Jensen nodded, then remembered to say, "Okay," as he turned. "There's a separate entrance, of course. You can park your car in the driveway, then just come through the door down there." Jensen paused as he reached the top of the stairs. "But I guess you don't drive."

"No," Jared agreed, waiting patiently as Jensen began to descend the stairs into the basement.

"Stairs," Jensen remembered to say, then panicked because he'd started down automatically, without warning Jared first.

Jared didn't even stumble. He must've heard the change in Jensen's voice as he started down the stairs; at any rate, he was already following easily, one hand lightly skimming the rail, not even hesitating.

"You shouldn't ever need to come this way normally," Jensen hurried to assure him, then remembered the other hazard. "Watch your head," he warned as the stairs turned at the bottom. "I just come this way to clean or use the laundry room. We share that, but I usually do washing on Mondays and Thursdays, since I have those days off."

"You work at the public library," Jared said, and Jensen nodded.

"That's right," he said out loud as he opened the door into the apartment. "This is it."

Jensen explained the layout of the space as he moved through it, noticing the way Jared touched the back of the couch, the kitchen chairs, running his long fingers lightly over the doors and the window frames. Jensen had left the old furniture, per Jared's request, although the bed was new. He'd had the old one replaced right after his mother died. A set of dishes and basic cutlery, glassware, and pots and pans stocked the kitchen shelves.

"Utilities are included in the rent," Jensen explained. "It's just too complicated for me otherwise."

"It's fine," Jared said, pulling a bulky envelope containing first-and-last-month's rent out of his coat pocket. "I'll take it."

**//**

Jared was a good tenant. He was quiet, did his laundry while Jensen was at work, and went in and out through the driveway door without a sound, mostly at night. It was getting colder as winter approached, and the nights were longer. Sometimes Jensen heard the door close, and he couldn't help watching as Jared walked down the driveway, off into the night. Once in a while Genevieve's jeep pulled up and Jared drove away with her. But most of the time he just walked off by himself, up the street and out of sight.

Jensen never heard him come home. He waited up one night just to see what time Jared came in, but he fell asleep close to dawn, and when he woke up he assumed Jared was already home because he could hear the water running in the pipes downstairs.

One night, about a week after Jared moved in, Jensen woke up with a start, his heart pounding. The house was quiet, and the only sound was Jensen's breathing, the echo of his own gasp in his ears. All was quiet outside as well, so Jensen decided that whatever had awakened him must be in his head, in a dream, perhaps. He struggled to grasp the last remnants, but all he came up with was the distinct impression that someone had been standing in the room, watching him sleep.

And he could swear that someone was Jared.

**//**

The next night, Jensen was awakened by the sound of a wolf howling. It was a lonely, distant sound, and Jensen lay awake a long time, listening to the mournful wailing. The sound made his chest ache, as if his heart was breaking with grief, as if he was missing someone deeply loved. His mother, he decided, as he drifted off to sleep, but even in his half-asleep state Jensen knew that couldn't be right. He was empathizing with the wolf. The wolf who was missing its mate.

In the morning Jensen's pillow was wet and he realized he'd been crying in his sleep.

**//**

Three nights later, almost two weeks after Jared moved in, Jensen dreamed about him.

They were jogging through the trees in some primordial forest where the evergreens reached to the sky over their heads and the air was cool and damp, perfect for running. Jared was taller, had a longer stride, but he was always behind Jensen, just over his shoulder, so when Jensen glanced back he could see him. Jared flashed him a grin, sweaty and flushed with exertion, eyes sparkling, his long hair tied back out of his face.

Jared could see.

As soon as Jensen looked away, Jared darted around him and took the lead, jogging away from him into the forest. Jensen followed, admiring the way Jared's muscles clenched and released as he ran, unable to tear his eyes away from the perfect curve of Jared's ass, the lines of his back. Jared wore running shorts that made his legs look particularly long and sleek, made Jensen want to bury his face between them and breathe deep.

He woke up sweating and breathing hard, dick swollen and leaking.

That day was Sunday, so Jensen didn't have to work. Usually he spent his Sundays working on the house, which was old and in need of continual maintenance, and today's carefully planned job was to clean the gutters and swap out a few window screens for storm windows in preparation for the coming winter. As he ate his breakfast and checked the news, it occurred to Jensen that the house was unusually silent. It felt empty. He couldn't remember hearing Jared come in last night, and although he knew he shouldn't worry – after all, Jared was a grown man who had a right to stay out all night if he wanted – it bothered him on some level that Jensen didn't really understand.

He couldn't help wondering about Jared. Jensen had checked his references, of course. The man was independently wealthy, lived off a family trust that was held in a bank in San Antonio, Texas. Jensen liked that; as a native Texan himself he felt a natural affinity for anyone transplanted from Texas's big, warm culture into the cold, insular climate of New England. Jared served on the boards of a couple of wildlife organizations, and had worked in a number of animal shelters as a volunteer, since he didn't really need the income. Jensen's cat had been a shelter animal, so Jensen could respect that, too.

Those activities didn't explain where Jared went at night, though, and the thought of him still being gone this morning continued to bother Jensen as he hauled the ladder and a pair of gardening gloves out of the garage and went to work on the gutters. He was still brooding about Jared, scolding himself for being so obsessed, when he became aware of being watched. It was the same tingling feeling up his spine that he recognized from two weeks ago, when he first saw Jared standing across the street. But this time Jensen was in the back of the house, which faced into a thick copse of protected woodland, part of a forty-acre nature reserve that bordered the local reservoir, unpopulated except by local wildlife.

Jensen turned toward the woods, looking back over his shoulder into the trees, and saw a flash of dark brown fur. Two amber-colored eyes stared out at him from the shadows, catching the light with a flash of pure gold. Jensen froze, aware that the animal was unusually large, probably close to Jensen's weight if not his height, and his first guess was a bear. Black bears were common in these woods, and at this time of year they were always hungry, gorging themselves for the long winter hibernation. It wasn't unusual for one to wander into his backyard, looking for trash to forage.

Then the animal lowered its head and Jensen's heart beat faster. This was no bear, he realized as sunlight glanced off of the creature's glossy coat. This was a canine. Too big to be a coyote or a fox. A large dog, maybe.

Or a wolf.

Jensen had never seen a wolf before, but he'd heard that they sometimes migrated this far south from Maine or even Canada. He thought those wolves had grey coats, though. This one was definitely dark brown, which is why Jensen had mistaken it for a bear at first. But unlike the black bears he was used to seeing in the area, this animal was probably unaccustomed to humans or human habitation, which maybe explained the way it stared at Jensen.

Like it was curious, perhaps. Or hungry.

Did wolves see humans as potential meals? Jensen wondered. Regardless, he knew he should move slowly, not do anything to startle or cause the wolf to feel threatened. Unlike black bears, which were naturally shy and easily scared away by loud noises, this creature was a fearless predator.

And didn't wolves travel in packs?

Jensen glanced around, adrenaline pumping at the very thought of more of these magnificent creatures hiding further back in the trees, waiting to follow the lead of this one.

Jensen was just sure this wolf was a leader, although he couldn't say why. Something about the bold way the wolf stared at him, frank and open and without fear, its multi-colored eyes glowing golden in the reflected sunlight.

For another moment, Jensen and the wolf stared at each other, and Jensen wondered what he would do if the wolf suddenly attacked. Not that that was likely, he told himself, but if the animal was rabid, anything could happen. He was still perched precariously on the ladder, his hands full of sodden leaves and branches from the gutter, so he'd probably end up throwing leaves in the hopes of distracting the animal long enough to make a leap and run for it, although it seemed unlikely he could outrun such a powerful animal if it was really set on attacking him.

But something in the animal's eyes assured him there was neither madness nor menace there. An alien intelligence, surely, and Jensen had no doubt the animal could be very dangerous when provoked. But there was no threat in those golden orbs, although Jensen couldn't explain why he was so sure of that. Like he'd suddenly developed wolfish sixth sense or something, which he knew he shouldn't trust. This was a wild animal, unpredictable and decidedly dangerous, and no manner of anthropomorphic reasoning should allow Jensen to forget that. Not if he was smart.

Just as Jensen was starting to wonder if he could very slowly climb backwards down the ladder and inch his way toward his back door, the wolf blinked, ducking its head as it turned its massive body around and disappeared into the trees, just as noiselessly as it had appeared.

Jensen stayed still as a stone for another moment, glancing around nervously for signs of other wolves. When it was clear that there were no others – at least not close enough to catch a glimpse of – he slowly climbed down the ladder and retreated to the garage on shaking legs, deciding it was probably a good time to break for lunch anyway.

It wasn't until later that day, after he had recovered his courage and finished the job on the gutters, that Jensen remembered the howling he'd heard four nights before.

**//**

Jensen decided against calling Animal Control to report the wolf sighting. He kept thinking he needed to talk to Jared first. Jared had experience with wildlife. Jared would know what to do. Plus, Jared would be fascinated to hear about a lone wolf in his own backyard, Jensen was just sure of that. Jared had probably heard the howling a few nights ago too, Jensen reasoned. 

At least, that's what Jensen told himself as an excuse for not notifying the authorities.

The truth was, as Jensen knew full well if he was honest with himself, the wolf was just an excuse to go down and knock on Jared's door.

It was after dark that night when Jensen finally heard the door open and close downstairs, then the familiar and by now almost comforting sound of water running in the pipes.

The truth was, Jensen had been lonelier than he wanted to admit over the past fourteen months since his mother's death, and having someone else in the house these past few weeks had been deeply reassuring.

Jensen waited almost an hour, then descended the stairs to Jared's door and knocked.

The door opened almost immediately, startling Jensen so that he almost gasped before catching himself. Jared was wearing a pair of loose-fitting sweatpants and a tee-shirt that was so tight it was practically a second skin. _The guy's ripped,_ was the first thought that flashed across Jensen's mind; then he took in Jared's bare feet and wet, slicked-back hair and decided he'd never seen anything more pornographic.

"Yeah? Jensen? What's up?"

Jared blinked, unfocused and unseeing, and Jensen realized he'd never seen Jared's eyes before; he'd always worn the dark glasses. They were beautiful and perfect, just like the rest of him, and Jensen was overwhelmed by an emotion so powerful he couldn't control the gust of air that escaped his lungs, an embarrassing sound that just punched out of him, completely involuntary.

"Jensen? Are you okay?" Jared reached out a hand, as if to steady him, and Jensen grabbed it without even thinking, clutched it awkwardly between his own as he nodded.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Jensen croaked. "I just – I saw a wolf," he blurted out. "And I wanted to tell you."

"Ah," Jared nodded, smiling so that his dimples were on full display. He pulled his hand away, and Jensen immediately missed it. "My friend Tristan. You've met him, then."

"Your – your friend?" Jensen stammered. "You know him? A wolf? You know a wolf?" He knew he sounded like an idiot, but something about being in Jared's presence just did that to him.

Jared nodded. "Big guy, shaggy dark hair, eyes about the same color as mine, right?"

Jensen nodded, then remembered. "Yeah, that's him."

"We've been tracking him coming down from Canada over the past few months," Jared explained. "He's sort of why I'm here, actually."

"I didn't – I didn't know wolves ever traveled this far south." Jensen was fascinated by the way Jared's face transformed when he talked about his favorite subject, how alive and engaged he seemed. Not to mention those beautiful, mesmerizing eyes...

"Yeah," Jared nodded. "He's looking for his mate, we're pretty sure."

Jensen remembered the mournful howling from the other night, how Jensen's first thought had been exactly that, that the wolf was missing his mate.

"But there aren't any other wolves around here," Jensen shook his head. "At least, not that I've ever heard of."

Jared shrugged. "Weird, I know," he agreed. "That's exactly what we thought. But it's definitely what brings him here. Wolves mate for life. Tristan knows what he's doing, even if it doesn't make any sense to us. If I've learned anything in all my years working with wild animals, it's to trust their instincts to solve their problems for them. There's really nothing humans can do for them except stand aside and let them be."

Jensen shuddered, remembering the alien intelligence in the way the wolf regarded him. Like the wolf knew something he didn't. Like its untamed mind harbored some secret wisdom that Jensen couldn't possibly understand.

"He's not safe," Jensen said. "Humans will try to capture him, or kill him. At the very least, they'll try to relocate him to somewhere he's not a danger to humans."

"He's not a danger to humans," Jared scoffed. "He just wants to be left alone to live his life."

Jensen shook his head. "Humans won't leave him alone," he said. "He should run before he's caught."

Jared smiled, shaking his head a little. "He won't go anywhere without his mate," he said, and it was pure coincidence, Jensen knew that, but when Jared raised his eyes suddenly he was staring straight into Jensen's eyes.

It only lasted a moment, then Jared's gaze wandered again, leaving Jensen with the distinct impression that Jared had meant to say something else, then thought better of it.

"Well, anyway, I guess I should – maybe I – I mean, I should probably go," Jensen stammered, suddenly shy again. "I just wanted to tell you, that's all."

"Thank you, Jensen," Jared said softly. "Let me know if you see him again, all right?"

Jensen nodded. "Sure thing." 

He turned to go as Jared put his hand on the door. "And don't worry," he said. "He won't hurt you. You don't need to be afraid of him."

Jensen felt a shiver of something that definitely wasn't fear go up his spine.

"Okay," he agreed.

Jared nodded. "Good night, Jensen," he said in his lovely, soft voice, making another shiver go up Jensen's spine.

"Good night," Jensen breathed, glancing back over his shoulder as he started to climb the stairs. Jared was still standing in the doorway, a slight smile on his lips, listening to Jensen's retreating steps for a moment before closing the door.

**//**

That night, Jensen had another running-with-Jared dream, and when he woke up he could swear he heard an animal under his window, panting and snuffling. A dog, was his first thought, until he realized it must be the wolf. Tristan.

But when he got up to look, pulling the blind up and gazing out into the back yard, illuminated by the silver light of an almost-full moon, there was nothing there.

"I think I heard your wolf in the back yard last night," he told Jared the next morning. It was Monday, the library was closed, and it was laundry day, so Jensen had an excuse to be downstairs. Jared opened his door almost before Jensen knocked, dressed casually in jeans that hung low on his slim hips and a black v-neck tee-shirt. He looked freshly scrubbed again, pink-cheeked and smooth-shaven, hair wet and slicked back as it was last night. Jensen guessed he must have been up early, maybe exercising, since it was obvious he'd showered again.

"That so?" Jared leaned against the doorframe, crossing his powerful arms over his chest. "Huh."

"You didn't hear him?" Jensen asked, surprised. He imagined Jared's hearing was pretty keen; he'd heard somewhere that when one sense was lost, the others became more acute to compensate.

"Oh, I heard him," Jared smiled, dimples on display. "I'm a little surprised that you could, that's all. He's pretty quiet."

The now-familiar tingle of excitement shot up Jensen's spine, giving him courage.

"Hey, you wanna come up for a cup of coffee?" he asked in a rush, then flushed to the tips of his ears at his own audacity. "I just – I just put on a fresh pot."

Jared smiled broadly, his eyes sweeping the floor sightlessly, then lifted so Jensen caught a glimpse of them, struck again by how beautiful they were.

"Sure," Jared nodded. "Just let me put some shoes on."

The next couple of hours flew by. They talked about everything and nothing. Jared asked endless questions about Jensen's life, his upbringing, his job, what he did for fun. Jensen found himself relaxing in Jared's company, letting down his natural reserve in the face of Jared's sincere interest, encouraged by Jared's thoughtful, genuine concern. When Jensen put a second cup of coffee in Jared's hands their fingers brushed, and Jared let his tangle briefly with Jensen's, squeezing, making Jensen's breath catch.

"Thank you," Jared murmured, suddenly so serious it made Jensen's head spin.

"Uh, yeah," Jensen stammered, pulling his hand back once he was sure Jared had the mug firmly in his large hands. "Sure, man."

That night, Jensen had his first real sex dream about Jared, mostly involving those big hands touching him all over, making him shake with need. He woke up sweating, hard as a rock, and he barely had to touch himself before he came, the force of his release almost blinding him.

Jensen knew Jared was getting under his skin, knew his interest and attraction bordered on obsession, but it didn't seem to be something he could control.

It wasn't really something he _wanted_ to control, if he was honest with himself. He thought about Jared all the time, fantasized about him while he was at work, looked for him when he came home. He brought Jared gifts of fruit from the farmer's market and bread from the local bakery, just to have an excuse to talk to him, to touch him. Jared was usually out when Jensen came home, and he was still sleeping when Jensen left for work in the morning, so it wasn't easy to connect, but Jensen found ways.

Then one night the wolf came back.

Jensen had come home late from his shift at the library, one of two nights a week when he had to work until 9:00 p.m. He'd been sitting behind the circulation desk for much of the past few hours, and he needed to move. When he got home, he checked for a moment to be sure Jared was out, which it seemed that he was since Jensen could hear no sound from downstairs and it was Jared's usual habit to be gone after dark. Then he bundled up and started walking.

The air was brisk with the promise of winter but the moon was bright, so that the street was lit even in places where it was usually pitch dark. Living on the edge of a nature reserve had its advantages; the neighborhood was quiet after dark on a weekday, and Jensen could smell the smoky scent of someone burning a fire in their fireplace. It occurred to him that he could do the same, maybe invite Jared up for steaks and red wine some night, sit in front of the fire with him and –

A low growl in the woods off to Jensen's left sent chills up his spine, made him stop in his tracks. A rustle of underbrush close to the road made Jensen wonder if he should've brought something more dangerous than a flashlight to protect himself. Then a dark shadow moved out of the woods, slow and steady, and Jensen held his breath.

This close, the powerful wolf was at least as tall as Jensen's chest, probably taller. His shaggy dark head was bowed, eyes flashing moonlight as he stared at Jensen and paced back and forth, right on the edge of the road. Jensen had the feeling the wolf might bound back into the trees if Jensen so much as moved, and he was dimly aware that he _should_ move, should scare the wolf into running away.

But he doubted the animal would scare easily. He'd probably just be mildly offended at Jensen's attempts to shoo him away. He'd probably just laugh at him.

The wolf stopped its pacing then, almost as if it knew what Jensen was thinking, and stared at him, mouth hanging open a little in what looked like a canine version of a grin, big tongue lolling out as he panted. He waited for a moment, almost as if he expected Jensen to say something, then with a small whine that sounded almost like a whimper, the wolf lay down, front paws first, then rear haunches, then laid his massive head on his front paws.

It was a gesture of submission, like a dog who wanted to be petted, and Jensen sucked in a breath of surprise, not quite able to believe that this huge predator was lying down at his feet. The wolf stared up at him from his new prone position, and now there was something almost pleading in his eyes as he watched Jensen, so that Jensen had the idea that the wolf might actually roll over to present his belly in a moment if Jensen didn't at least acknowledge him.

"Tristan," Jensen heard himself speak, almost tentatively. The wolf's ears twitched and he scooted forward just an inch, so that his front paws almost reached Jensen's feet.

"That's your name, isn't it, boy?" Jensen said, like he was talking to a friendly dog.

_This animal is not a dog,_ he reminded himself sternly. _It's a lethal killing machine._

"What's going on here, Tristan?" Jensen asked softly, and Tristan gave another little whimper, another twitch of his ears. "Why won't you go home where you'll be safe? Why are you hanging around here?"

The wolf's gnashed his powerful jaws, flashing sharp teeth as his big tongue lolled out again.

Jensen shook his head, the temptation to reach out and scratch the wolf behind its ears almost overwhelming. "I think you're laughing at me," he commented dryly, and the wolf's jaws widened slightly. "You think this is all a big joke. Scare the lonely human to death. Ha ha."

The wolf closed its mouth, stared up at Jensen in that pleading, mournful way for a moment, then promptly rolled its big body onto its side.

The invitation was clear, the position of submission nearly complete, and Jensen couldn't help himself. He knelt beside the big shaggy beast and reached out until his hand almost touched the wolf's snout. Tristan leaned his head into Jensen's hand, not even sniffing first, like he already knew Jensen's smell. He closed his eyes as Jensen's hand slipped into the fur of his head, between his ears.

"Okay now, okay there," Jensen soothed.

The wolf's coat was thick and coarse, and when Jensen dug his fingers into it he could feel the animal's warmth. He kept his movements slow and steady as he scratched carefully behind Tristan's ears, murmuring reassuring words in a low voice. The beast lay still, eyes closed as Jensen pet him first with one hand, then carefully lay his other hand on the wolf's heaving side.

"That's it. That's it, buddy. Nice and easy."

Suddenly and without any warning, Tristan's head whipped up, the movement so unexpected it sent Jensen sprawling backwards on the road, scrambling in the loose gravel. Then he heard it: a low growl in the woods from which Tristan had emerged moments before. Jensen had only a moment to recover, then Tristan was growling too, lips pulled back to reveal scissor-sharp incisors, ears laid flat on his head. Jensen held as still as he could, heart pounding, as he glimpsed movement in the trees, caught the flash of something white.

Then Jensen saw them. A group of wolves – a pack, Jensen remembered the term – huddled together just inside the tree line. Two white, one very dark, darker than Tristan. All three were smaller, more the size of large dogs than wolves, and all three were growling.

Jensen kept still, barely moving his eyes enough to follow Tristan's movements as the wolf pushed himself to his feet, positioning himself protectively between Jensen and the growling wolves. The big wolf kept his teeth bared and growled louder, deeper, clearly threatening. The other wolves backed off immediately, bowing their heads in submission, shifting side to side and not meeting Tristan's stare, their growls turning to whimpers as they backed into the woods.

When it was obvious the threat was past, Jensen climbed slowly to his feet, careful not to make any sudden movements, brushing gravel off his hands and backside.

"Hey, are those your friends?" he asked and the wolf turned his head, bucked his nose up playfully under Jensen's hand, tongue lolling again as though he was laughing.

"Hey! Okay! I get it!" Jensen laughed as he scratched behind Tristan's ears. The wolf leaned his body against Jensen's as the other wolves made breathy barking sounds, clearly coaxing Tristan to join them. "You gotta go, is that it? Time to go?"

Tristan bucked his head against Jensen's hand again, then leaned so hard against Jensen he almost stumbled as he struggled to support the wolf's weight. When he turned up his eyes to Jensen they had that pleading, mournful look in them again, and Jensen's chest clenched.

"Hey, you're okay now, right?" Jensen frowned, burying both hands in the wolf's thick fur so he could give him a good scratch. "You've got your friends, right? Is one of them your mate? Huh? Did you find her?"

Tristan wrenched his big head away, almost as if he was shaking it "no." He made a half-whining, half-panting sound as he pulled away from Jensen, leaving the man feeling strangely bereft.

"You gotta go," Jensen nodded. "I get it. Go on. Go with your friends."

Tristan took a few steps, then stopped and looked back over his shoulder at Jensen, mournful eyes glowing strangely in the moonlight. The other wolves were making excited half-barking sounds as they circled back and forth, clearly urging Tristan to hurry up and join them.

"Go on now," Jensen tipped his chin toward the other wolves, and Tristan bobbed his head, almost like a nod. Then the big wolf turned slowly, clearly reluctant, before he bounded into the trees after his pack.

Jensen stood still for several seconds, listening to the sounds of the wolves as they ran off across the hillside, their playful howls and half-barks making Jensen smile even as his chest ached with loneliness and a keen desire to belong, to be part of a family. To be free.

It had only just started to hit him that he had communed with a wild wolf, and the feelings he was having couldn't possibly be his, when Jensen heard the howling. It was far off, probably miles away by now, but it was the same sorrowful sound he'd heard before, long and loud and so sad it made Jensen want to cry. The howling went on and on, until Jensen worried the whole neighborhood would be up and out of their houses to listen, then to report wolves in the area, which he was just sure would not be a good thing.

Then the howling stopped, leaving the night unnaturally quiet, leaving Jensen feeling unutterably sad.

**//**

He slept dreamlessly that night, but when he got up in the morning he went right down to Jared's apartment, not even stopping to consider that Jared was probably still sleeping.

"He let me touch him," Jensen gushed when Jared finally opened the door, making Jensen gasp because he had obviously been sleeping and had only managed to pull on a pair of sweat-pants before opening the door. The sight of Jared all sleep-mussed and half-naked was definitely the hottest thing Jensen had ever seen, hands down.

"Yeah?" Jared leaned one long arm on the open door, used the other hand to push back his uncombed hair. He seemed to understand exactly what Jensen was talking about, which should have been weird, but Jensen was too excited to care.

"Yeah, and he had a pack with him. Three other wolves, all smaller. He must be their leader."

Jared smiled, dimpling so beautifully it took Jensen's remaining breath away.

"It was amazing, Jared. I wish you could've seen him. I mean – I wish you could've been there," Jensen stammered. "He let me pet him – he practically pushed my hand up to have his ears scratched!"

"He's a little demanding," Jared noted, grinning broadly as he rubbed his eyes, yawned.

"Yeah," Jensen laughed. "He's – he's amazing."

"You think so?" Jared was blushing, Jensen realized. His cheeks were the prettiest dusky rose color, and his nose almost looked like it was sunburned.

"Yeah," Jensen breathed, suddenly too distracted to remember what he was about to say. He stared helplessly at Jared for another moment as Jared scrubbed his hand over his unshaven cheeks, shifting awkwardly, like he was nervous.

Then they both spoke at the same time.

"Jensen, would you – "

"Hey, do you wanna – "

Jared huffed out a laugh. "You first," he insisted.

Jensen took a deep breath. "I was just going to ask if you wanna come up for steaks tonight," he said. "I was going to put a fire on, and I thought – " He stopped because he could feel himself blushing all the way to the tips of his ears and was grateful Jared couldn't see him. "That is, if you're not busy."

"Sounds great." Jared smiled warmly, looking relieved.

"Great," Jensen nodded. "I'll be home around six. You can come up any time. I'll just leave the door unlocked at the top of the stairs."

"Okay," Jared agreed and started to shut the door as he heard Jensen begin to turn away.

"Oh!" Jensen turned back, and Jared waited expectantly. "What were you going to ask me?"

Jared flushed again, and this time Jensen noticed his chest was pink too. Then he couldn't take his eyes off Jared's body and was grateful for the second time that morning that Jared couldn't see him, which was just wrong on too many levels, he knew.

"I was hoping you'd ask," Jared shrugged. "I think it's time for us to get to know each other better."

Jensen smiled so broadly it hurt. "Me, too," he agreed, heart pounding, hoping beyond hope that he was getting Jared's signals right.

Work that day was torturous. Jensen obsessed about Jared as he shelved books. He researched wolves during his shift on the circulation desk. He decided that Tristan must be some kind of mutant, since the majority of wolves native to this part of the country were gray wolves, with the occasional red wolf. Tristan was too dark and too large to be categorized as either.

At around four o'clock that afternoon, Genevieve appeared in front of him at the Information Desk. She glared at him, huge dark eyes steady and accusing, and it made Jensen think of the wolves, particularly the small dark one that was growling at him on the road last night.

"Hey," he greeted her, and she frowned.

"He's really into you," she stated flatly. "I just hope you're worth it."

"Wow," Jensen breathed, shocked by her words as much as her tone. "Okay then. Thanks for the heads up."

Genevieve shook her head. "You didn't know? You couldn't tell?"

"Well, I mean, I guess I was sorta hoping, maybe, you know..."

"Just don't hurt him," Genevieve interrupted. "He's got a really big heart, and it gets him in trouble sometimes. He's too generous for his own good. So just go easy on him. He's not good at recognizing when he's being played."

"I'm not – I would never – wow, this is all kinda – I'm kinda out of my league here," Jensen stammered awkwardly.

Genevieve regarded him thoughtfully for a moment, then she shook her head. "I just don't see what he sees in you," she admitted. "Other than the obvious, of course, which he can't even see, so that doesn't make any sense. He's really gregarious, used to having lots of people around him. And you... Do you even have any friends?"

"I have friends!" Jensen huffed out a breath, indignant.

Genevieve crossed her arms over her chest and raised an eyebrow skeptically. "You work in a library," she said. "You have a cat."

"I have friends!" Jensen insisted again. "I'm not a stereotype!"

"Okay." Genevieve nodded, like she was accepting a challenge. "My house, tomorrow night at seven. For dinner. Bring a friend."

Then she was gone, flipping her hair dismissively, leaving Jensen staring helplessly after her.

"Who was that?" Danneel Harris, the Circulation Manager and Jensen's boss, had come up behind him while he was chatting with Genevieve – chatting? Is that what they were doing? – and was now staring after the little dark-haired minx as she stalked brazenly out of the library.

"Nobody," Jensen shrugged. "I mean, she's a friend of a friend. She wants me to come to her house tomorrow night for dinner."

"I'll bet she does," Danneel huffed.

"No," Jensen hastened to correct her obvious misconception. "No, she's not interested in – I mean, she wants me to bring a friend."

"Oh," Danneel frowned for a minute, then brightened. "I'll go."

Jensen's mouth dropped open, but no sound came out. "I – really? I mean, I didn't even say I'd go. I need to check with my housemate first. This is so weird."

"Well, if you decide to go, I'll be your plus one," Danneel shrugged. "She's cute."


	2. Chapter 2

Jensen's heart was pounding so hard as he walked through his front door he thought it might explode.

He got the tabletop grill out and turned it on so it could heat up, then quickly built a fire in the fireplace, uncorking a bottle of Bordeaux so it could breathe. For music he considered and rejected Marvin Gaye and Sade before settling on Miles Davis. Sophisticated without being distracting, he told himself. He didn't know if Jared was a music fan, so he decided it was safer to hold back on his more eclectic tastes, as well as his favorites. Not everybody indulged in classic rock and blues quite as deeply as Jensen did when he let himself go.

When he heard the door to the basement open, Jensen had to take deep breaths to steady himself. He felt like a teenager on his first date, never mind a thirty-four-year-old man who'd been around the block a time or two. Then he realized his guest might need some help navigating the unfamiliar upper floor of the house, so he put down his wineglass and turned.

Jared was standing in the kitchen doorway, casually dressed in jeans and a dark-grey Henley, black jacket obviously pulled on at the last minute to give his shoulders even greater width in comparison with his barely-there waist. The sunglasses were still missing, and Jensen couldn't help watching Jared's lovely eyes moving sightlessly as he worked out where Jensen was standing.

"Hey." Jared's soft lips turned up in a smile, showing off his dimples and the white edges of his imperfect teeth.

Jensen let out the breath he'd been holding, then took another one, slow and shaky.

"Hey," he repeated, unable to do anything for the moment but stare.

"The fire smells nice," Jared commented, and Jensen was sure Jared could smell other things, probably had an insanely keen sense of smell as a matter of fact.

"Yeah, I was just about to put another log on – " Jensen stammered. "Do you want a glass of wine? Or water? I don't even know if you drink – "

"Wine sounds nice," Jared nodded.

Jensen poured a glass, carried it to Jared and placed it in his hand, certain that Jared could feel him trembling when their fingers touched.

"Hey, your friend Genevieve came by the library today," Jensen said in a rush, mostly to fill the space between them so he didn't throw himself into Jared's arms as he had every impulse to do.

"Yeah?" Jared took a sip of his wine, forehead creasing in a tiny frown.

"Yeah," Jensen reached for his own glass. "She wants me to come to her house tomorrow evening. I'm supposed to bring a friend."

Jared made a face, and Jensen realized how little he really knew about Jared. When they talked last time, the conversation was almost all about Jensen. Jared seemed to have a gift for deflecting questions about himself, in addition to an almost supernatural empathy which made people open up to him like nobody's business.

"Will you be there?" Jensen asked, and Jared nodded.

"Oh, I'll be there all right," he said, giving his head a little shake. "She's supposed to check with me first. She knows that."

"She's just being protective of you," Jensen suggested warily. He still wasn't clear about the relationship between Jared and Genevieve. "She doesn't want to see you get hurt." _Neither do I,_ Jensen thought. _I'd die before I'd hurt you._

"Yeah, she's a good buddy," Jared acknowledged, putting Jensen immediately at ease on _that_ point, at least.

"l'll put on the steaks," he announced, changing the subject to something a little less personal, turning away from Jared as he did it.

Jared followed him into the living room, Jensen guiding with his voice until he got Jared seated in front of the fire. He put another log on, then left Jared for a few minutes while he tended the steaks and tossed the salad. Once he had the food on the table he came back to collect his guest, only to find Jared had finished the bottle of wine.

"The food's ready."

Jensen added another log to the fire, then stood awkwardly as Jared rose to his feet, so close his body heat canceled out the warmth of the fire, making Jensen's head spin. 

"Here, do you need me to – "

But when he put his hand on Jared's arm to guide him to the table Jared grabbed onto him and pulled him in, wrapping his long arms around Jensen's body and burying his face in Jensen's neck, bending a little to do it.

Jensen gasped, stiffening with shock for a split second, then relaxed into Jared's embrace, surprised at how natural it felt to be engulfed by Jared's big body, how good it felt to be stroked by his huge hands.

Jared snuffled into Jensen's neck, breathing deep.

 _He's smelling me,_ Jensen realized, then immediately decided he was perfectly okay with that.

Then Jared started to tremble, and Jensen realized he was crying.

 _Dude's a sloppy drunk,_ was Jensen's first thought, glancing over at the empty wine bottle on the coffee table.

Jensen stroked Jared's broad back, shushing him softly, unwilling to consider how weird it should feel to comfort Jared because it felt so natural. It felt right.

"It took so long to find you," Jared choked out, his voice hoarse and broken. "I didn't know if I ever would."

"Hey, it's okay," Jensen murmured, as if from some deep place inside him he didn't even know existed. As if in a dream. "I'm here now. Not going anywhere."

Jared held him close another moment, until his tears began to subside. Then he pulled back a little, just enough for Jensen to see his tear-streaked face, his sightless eyes glittering with moisture. Jared ran his big hands up Jensen's arms, then carefully cradled Jensen's face between them, running the tips of his fingers along Jensen's cheek, his chin.

Jensen held his breath and watched Jared's face as Jared touched Jensen's lips, running his fingertips lightly along them, sorting out their shape as Jensen held perfectly still, trying to tamp down on his raging hard-on. He realized that Jared was "seeing" him, mapping out Jensen's face so he could form a mental picture in his mind, and it should have made Jensen self-conscious to be so thoroughly explored this way.

But then Jared smiled, clearly liking what he found, and Jensen leaned in on his tip-toes and planted a chaste kiss on Jared's lips, startling a laugh out of the taller man.

"Why do you wear these?" Jared murmured as he ran his fingertips over Jensen's thick plastic glasses. "What are you hiding from?"

"I – I need them," Jensen protested, but he let Jared remove them, place them down gently next to the empty wine bottle, not fumbling even a little. Jensen held his breath as Jared's fingers returned to his face, mapping out his eyes this time, his brow and forehead, running a finger feather light over his eyelids, then the bridge of his nose.

"You're beautiful," Jared breathed as he cupped Jensen's face in his big hands.

"It's been said," Jensen agreed grimly.

"Tristan couldn't tell," Jared said. "To him, you're just Jensen. He's no judge of human beauty."

Jensen blinked. "You talked to Tristan? You can talk to wolves?"

Jared's smile broadened, and suddenly Jensen couldn't take his eyes off Jared's mouth, wanted to kiss him like it was some kind of supernatural compulsion. Like he was bewitched.

"I hear his thoughts," Jared acknowledged. "He and I share a connection."

"What kind of connection?" Jensen suddenly wondered if he should be worried, if Jared might be a little insane.

"I'll explain it all to you, I promise," Jared said. "You're in it now. You're one of us, if you want to be."

Then Jared leaned in and all other thoughts slipped out of Jensen's head as Jared found his lips, first with his thumbs, then with his mouth.

Jensen's mind turned to jelly as Jared kissed him, gentle and teasing at first, tasting and testing, then deeper as Jensen pressed against him, encouraging. Jared's tongue slipped tentatively between Jensen's lips and Jensen moaned, arching up against the larger man, smoothing his hands up over Jared's back, then down to his hips, tugging their crotches together as Jared held his face.

Jared's mouth was hot and wet and tasted like toothpaste and wine, making Jensen's head spin. When Jared plunged his tongue into Jensen's mouth, plundering and exploring, Jensen opened his jaws so wide he felt sure they'd crack. Jared bit and sucked on Jensen's lips, then surged into his mouth again, his low moans almost inhuman in their primal intensity. Jensen felt engulfed and overwhelmed by Jared's sheer animal magnetism, by the force and energy of his emotions. It was like being overthrown by a tidal wave, and all Jensen could do was tumble along helplessly, holding onto Jared's hips as he ground against him, his moans turning to low growls deep in his throat.

It wasn't until Jensen started to struggle for air that Jared seemed to realize he might be coming on a little strong. He pulled back, breathing hard, chest heaving, and released Jensen just enough to allow him to get a hand up to Jared's face, hold it there.

"Hey," Jensen said when he caught his breath again. "Take it easy. I'm not going anywhere."

"Sorry, sorry," Jared panted. "I just – it's just been so long – "

Jensen nodded, grinning despite himself. "Yeah, I get that," he said. "For me, too. But we got all night here, am I right?"

Jared nodded so eagerly it made Jensen laugh. "Okay, then," he patted Jared's cheek. "Let's slow it down a little. Maybe eat first?"

"Okay," Jared agreed.

But eating turned out to be impossible because Jensen couldn't stop staring at Jared as he ate, and Jared wouldn't let Jensen sit away from him, and even though they scooted their chairs together Jared couldn't stop reaching a hand out to touch him.

Of course Jared's overheated palm on Jensen's thigh was an almost unbearable distraction, and when he spread his fingers wide and laid his hand over Jensen's chest Jensen let out an involuntary moan that was practically pornographic, even to his ears.

"Fuck it," Jensen exclaimed finally, scooting back his chair so he could climb into Jared's lap, grabbing fistfuls of Jared's long hair to pull his head back as Jensen kissed him, wet and sloppy and tasting of steak and more wine.

This time it was Jensen's turn to plunder Jared's mouth, to nip at his soft lips and run his fingers along Jared's strong features, memorizing the feel as well as the sight of his strong jaw and brow, his outrageous cheekbones and perfect nose. Jensen kissed the moles on his cheek and forehead, on his unshaven chin, dipping his tongue into the cleft before returning his attention to Jared's mouth. He messaged Jared's jaws with his thumbs, encouraging him to open wide so Jensen could kiss him just as deeply as Jared had kissed him earlier, to show Jared how it felt to nearly drown inside him.

Jared ran his hands down Jensen's back to his ass, scooping the smaller man against him, caressing Jensen's ass-crack through his jeans. Jensen's dick pulsed and he ground himself down against Jared's crotch with a moan. Jared's hands moved up again, under his shirts, seeking bare skin, making Jensen cry out and wrench his mouth away as Jared ran one hand up his bare back, hugging him tight with his other arm.

He could come like this, Jensen realized. He pulled his mouth away from Jared's to kiss along his jaw.

"Fuck me," he murmured in Jared's ear, surprising himself. He'd always topped in the past, those few rushed and awkward encounters he's almost always regretted later. But with Jared, all he wanted was to belong, to be claimed by the big man holding him tight in his lap, to spread his legs and feel Jared inside him.

"Jensen – " Jared breathed, burying his face in Jensen's shoulder and inhaling deep. His hips gave one last upward thrust, then stopped. "We need to talk."

Jensen froze, cold water flooding his veins. _Of course,_ his inner voice sneered. _He's got someone. Of course he does._

Jensen's thoughts flew to Genevieve, to her warning earlier that day, of how sure he'd felt just a few minutes ago that she was just a friend.

 _So it's someone else,_ he decided, pulling back, starting to slide off Jared's lap.

"No, wait," Jared held onto Jensen's hips, holding him in place. "It's not what you think. I want to. Oh my God, I want to fuck you so bad right now I can't even express how much I want to."

"But." Jensen pulled away again, and this time Jared let him go, let him slide off Jared's lap and slip back into his own chair. Jared leaned forward, keeping his knee pressed to Jensen's, holding Jensen's hand as he started to pull it away, guarded and suspicious.

"I have to tell you something." Jared took a deep breath. "Before we go any further. You deserve to know what you're getting into."

"Are you married?" Jensen asked bluntly. It was literally the worst thing he could think of, and his mind was already working the problem, reconciling himself to the role of mistress if that was the best he could get, steeling himself for the inevitable.

"No!" Jared looked so shocked that Jensen instantly believed him. "Oh my God, how could you think that? I could never have anyone but you, Jensen. You – hypothetical you – were all I've ever wanted all my life. Finding you was literally a kind of miracle. I would've lived out my life without ever having a mate if I hadn't found you."

He was shaking his head, tears glistening in his lovely eyes again, and Jensen was mesmerized, so overcome by the emotional intensity of Jared's words that he couldn't process their meaning. 

"Then I don't understand," Jensen said. "What's the problem?"

Jared huffed out a breath. "There's no easy way to tell you what I'm about to tell you, Jensen, but I need you to hear me, really listen to me, all right? And if you still want this, if you still want _me,_ then I'll be the luckiest man alive. But I need you to know, to make a fully-informed decision, okay?"

 _He's terminally ill,_ Jensen guessed, steeling himself for the second-worse thing he could think of, instantly deciding he would deal with that, too. Grief like a punch in the gut surged through him, and he gasped involuntarily, leaned forward to tangle his fingers with Jared's in sympathy with whatever was about to happen.

Jared smiled a little and squeezed Jensen's fingers.

"I'm a werewolf," he said softly, and the words had no meaning for Jensen, who was so prepared to hear a death-sentence that all he could do was gaze at Jared, uncomprehending.

"You – you're a what?" he finally managed.

"A werewolf," Jared repeated and yup, that's what Jensen thought he'd heard the first time. "Genevieve too. And Rob and Rich, who you haven't officially met. They'll be at the party tomorrow night, if you still want to come."

_Okay, not terminally ill. Just mentally._

"Tristan is me," Jared went on in that quiet, reasonable voice that should've been saying things that made sense, although it occurred to Jensen that nothing about Jared would ever make sense again. "Well, part of me, anyway. He's my wolf. And I'm his human, although he doesn't think about me much. He's a real wolf, with wolfish instincts and drives. He doesn't use language, doesn't think about what he is or why he exists. His feelings for you are just as intense as mine, though. He senses your inner wolf."

"My – my what?" Jensen managed because Jared had paused.

"Yeah," Jared shrugged awkwardly. "Crazy, right? I know. Most werewolves are born that way. Purebred. But a few of us – our little pack – we're all weres by choice."

"You can _choose_ to be a werewolf?" Jensen blinked. "I thought – I thought one of them had to bite you."

Jared shook his head. "No, that's just a myth," he said. "For us – for Gen and me – it happened when we hit puberty. With Rich and Rob it was even later. They were both adults. And you – you must be the oldest human I've ever met who hasn't already changed."

 _I was waiting for you,_ Jensen's inner voice provided, then he shook his head, chuckling nervously. He pulled his hand free from Jared's, scrubbed his cheek, then rubbed the back of his neck.

"I keep waiting for the punch line," he admitted. "But I guess you're telling me I'm a closet werewolf, and that sort of _is_ the punch line."

"Tristan's never wrong," Jared nodded. "And about you he's been very persistent. I was pretty skeptical at first, quite honestly. You seemed so normal. But now I see how you hide who you really are. You've been doing it most of your life, so it's second nature to you, but I think I understand now."

Chills ran up Jensen's spine; he looked up, somehow expecting Jared to be looking right at him, but of course Jared's gaze was as unfocused and wandering as ever.

"I don't – I'm not sure I get what you mean," Jensen said, but the chills remained. If anything, they were growing in intensity; the sense that Jared could "see" him was even stronger.

Jared's lips turned up in a small smile, bringing out his dimples.

"I think it'll take a while," he said gently. "I'm guessing there's something that happened to you, maybe when you were a child. You never talk about it, you don't think about it, maybe you don't even remember it. But the scars are there, on the inside. That's what makes you one of us. That's where your inner wolf lies, waiting."

Blood was pounding in Jensen's head, just behind his eyes, roaring in his ears. Nightmare images flashed into his brain and were gone before he could recognize or make sense of them. He heard his mother crying, saw blood on her fingers after she touched him. His whole body hurt. He felt sick to his stomach as he remembered riding in the car, leaving Dallas forever.

Jensen pushed his chair back and rose to his feet so quickly he almost fell over. His heart was beating so fast it felt as if it would burst out of his chest; he was panting like he'd just run a mile.

"I don't – I don't know what you're talking about," he gasped out, grabbing the back of his chair for support as the room started to spin. "This is crazy. _You're_ crazy. I can't do this."

He backed away from Jared as if he expected the blind man to attack him, to suddenly turn into a mythical creature right there in Jensen's living room.

But Jared didn't move, stayed seated, chewing on his bottom lip and frowning a little, looking about as dangerous as a kicked puppy.

"I'm sorry, Jensen," he murmured softly. "I know this is a lot to take in. I should probably go."

And yes, Jensen knew that was right. Jared _should_ go. Jared should go and never come back, and Jensen should go on with his nice, normal life like none of this ever happened. That's what Jensen's mother had wanted him to do, all those years ago, and that's what Jensen had always done before. Put the bad stuff away, in the past, never to be thought about again.

But Jensen didn't want Jared to leave. Maybe it was selfish, but Jensen wanted Jared, probably more than he'd ever wanted anything or anyone. And maybe there was something supernatural about that, since it didn't make rational sense, since he barely knew the man. Since Jared was obviously insane and came with baggage.

Since Jared could see into his soul, could see how damaged Jensen was, and still wanted him.

"No," Jensen heard himself say, taking a cautious step forward, toward Jared. "Stay. Please. I just – Please stay."

Jared took a deep, shaky breath, nodding to himself, so obviously relieved Jensen almost hugged him.

As it was, the fire needed tending, and the music needed changing, and Jensen was horny again. He considered putting his glasses back on, then left them where they were, along with his beanie, shrugging off the over-shirt he always wore like a jacket as he crossed the room and laid his hand on Jared's shoulder.

Jared's muscles flexed under Jensen's hand and he turned his head in Jensen's direction, laid his hand over Jensen's.

"You wanna see my record collection?" Jensen hinted, and Jared grinned broadly.

"Yeah," he said, tangling his fingers with Jensen's as Jensen tugged him to his feet, then led the way down the hall to Jensen's bedroom, keeping their fingers entwined.

"I keep the really rare stuff in here," Jensen said as he pushed open the door and pulled Jared inside.

Their lovemaking was intense and frantic. Jensen couldn't wait to get Jared's clothes off so he could see all that toned, bronzed skin. So he could get his mouth all over it. As soon as he pushed Jared's jeans out of the way Jensen dropped to his knees and went to town on the man's monster dick, slurping as much of it into his mouth as he could while Jared moaned and tipped his head back against the door, exposing his long neck. Jared's fingers brushed lightly over Jensen's face, over his lips where they were wrapped around Jared's dick, and Jensen knew Jared was "seeing" him in his mind's eye, imagining Jensen's mouth all swollen and debauched and spit-slick. Jensen grabbed Jared's ass with both hands and squeezed, making Jared thrust involuntarily, and Jensen felt his jaw unhinge as Jared's dick hit the back of his throat and tears smarted in his eyes.

"Oh my God, Jensen," Jared gasped. "Oh my God."

Jared's fingers trailed down Jensen's throat, curled into the hair on the back of Jensen's neck, gentle and urgent at the same time, and Jensen pulled off just enough to suckle before slamming home again. Jared let out a strangled moan as Jensen's throat muscles fluttered against his dick, then he tangled his fingers in Jensen's short hair and held on.

"Gonna come – God, Jensen, I can't hold off – it's been too long – Oh fuck!"

Part of Jensen's brain, the part that was still functioning normally, was sending him alarm bells, warning him that a near-stranger was about to come down his throat and hadn't his mother always taught him to be safe?

But there was another part of Jensen's brain that wanted Jared no matter what, despite mental illness and blindness and Jensen's own brokenness, that wanted all of Jared and everything he could get from him. It was a wild, reckless part of himself that Jensen barely recognized, hadn't even known existed before he met Jared. That was the part that made him take Jared deeper now, tears streaming down his cheeks, starting to black out from lack of air as he gazed up Jared's long body, his vision blurring as he watched Jared lose it.

Jared's jaw worked and his brow furrowed, his mouth opening in a silent "oh" as he released down Jensen's throat, blind eyes squeezed shut, then opening again as his face muscles relaxed. He seemed peaceful in that moment, so that even as Jensen struggled to swallow, to stay conscious, he was overwhelmed by a sense of gratitude and satisfaction, knowing he put that look on Jared's beautiful face, knowing he'd given such pleasure to this man who mattered more to him than he ever thought anyone could.

"Jensen," Jared breathed, pulling his softening cock out enough to give Jensen room to breathe, fingertips grazing Jensen's tear-streaked cheeks. "Come here."

Jensen rose obediently, stumbling against Jared as the taller man pulled him in, held his face between his hands as he planted gentle kisses across Jensen's cheeks, the bridge of his nose, then his eyelids. Jared's tongue flicked out and tasted the delicate skin there, kissing Jensen's tears away, then his big hands tipped Jensen's chin up so Jared could mouth along under Jensen's jaw, all the way to his ear, tasting and suckling tenderly along each inch of Jensen's skin.

"Mine," Jared whispered into his ear, and Jensen shivered, feeling the word all the way to the depths of his soul, or so it seemed.

Jared helped Jensen out of his shirts while Jensen dropped his jeans and boxers to the floor, then stepped close to Jared for more deep kisses, aware that Jared's way of seeing him was to keep his hands on him at all times.

When Jared returned the favor of the blow-job, sinking to his knees and taking Jensen into his mouth, Jensen discovered something else a blind man could do every bit as well as a sighted one.

Afterwards, Jensen slid to the floor and gathered Jared into his arms, loose and weak-limbed. Jared seemed fine on the floor, but Jensen insisted they climb into his bed, pulling the sheet up to their waists so they could lie facing each other in the moonlight. For several moments, they lay quietly while Jared's hands explored every inch of Jensen's body, learning every line and muscle. Then Jensen returned the favor, learning Jared by touch, half-doubting that this strange, beautiful man could be real; he needed to keep touching Jared to reassure himself that he wasn't a dream.

"How did it happen?" Jensen murmured as he ran a fingertip along Jared's eyelid, admiring the paper-thin feel of his skin there, the dark lace of his eyelashes against his cheek.

"Scarlet fever, when I was six," Jared said. "My parents were Christian Scientists who didn't believe in vaccinations or any kind of medical intervention except prayer."

Jensen's heart clenched at the thought that Jared's disability could've been prevented. It brought out every protective bone in his body.

"Oh God, Jared, I'm so sorry," Jensen breathed. "Jesus. How could they do that to their own child?"

Jared shrugged, smiling softly. "It was terrifying at first," he admitted. "Everything was so dark. But I got used to it. My other senses got stronger to compensate, and now I barely notice it. Then when Tristan came, I could see again. Same with the others."

"The others?" Jensen drew a blank.

"Yeah," Jared nodded. "My pack. Genevieve, Rich and Rob – we're all differently-abled. Misfits. It's what's drew us together, I think. Our wolves sense disabilities in humans, and those that choose to join us regain their ability when they become wolves themselves."

Jensen stared. "Your wolf isn't blind," he repeated cautiously.

"No," Jared shook his head. "And Genevieve's wolf has all her limbs. Rich's isn't deaf, and Rob's doesn't have epilepsy. When we're wolves, we're free. I don't think of it as being healed, since none of us think of ourselves as sick or broken. Our wolves are part of us, but they're also more; enhanced, maybe. You'll see, if you want to. I hope you'll want to."

"So it's got to be a choice," Jensen clarified. "It doesn't happen automatically. The wolf thing, I mean."

Jared shook his head. "No," he agreed. "It's all you. But once you decide, there's no going back. Your wolf slows the aging process, makes you heal faster, gives you strength, even in your human form. Lets you move faster. Gives you heightened senses. Your wolf makes you feel complete, makes you feel whole and free and fulfilled in ways you never knew you needed. It sounds kinda goofy, I know, and that part you just have to trust me on. But once it happens to you, you'll never want to go back, I promise.

"You don't have to say yes tonight," Jared went on, excitement making his skin flush that deep dusky rose color Jensen already loved best. "Come with me to meet the others. Hear their stories. Take your time to let it all sink it. There's no rush."

"No?" Jensen barked out a laugh. "You make it sound so final. I mean, here we are on our first date and already you're asking me to marry you."

Jared's eyes flicked back and forth, and Jensen knew it was involuntary, but he was already beginning to read Jared's expressions, and he could swear there was a nervous intensity in that look, however unfocused.

"Would you?" Jared said. "If I asked you now, would you?" His chest was heaving, and there was a light sweat on his brow, like he'd just been running, or like he was resisting the urge to flee. "Would you marry me, Jensen?"

For a moment Jensen couldn't think. His pulse took off like a firecracker and his heart was suddenly pounding fit to burst in his chest. His breath hitched and he stared at Jared, trying to gauge the man's seriousness.

The wild, reckless thing in Jensen's heart was battling with his timid, cautious sanity, the self-contained man of habits and routines and quiet, understated living that had kept Jensen safe for so many years. He couldn't remember being any other way. Jensen's life had been so ordered, so careful before Jared came. Everything in its place. Every emotion under control. Jensen had built such a wall around his heart he wasn't sure it was even in there anymore.

Jared's hand on his brought Jensen back to the moment, to Jared's damp, parted lips and the little crease of a frown in his brow. Jared tugged Jensen's hand up and laid it flat on his chest, so that Jensen could feel Jared's heart pounding under his warm, smooth skin. The hair on his chest was damp with sweat, and Jensen curled his fingers in it, tugging gently before sliding his hand up to curl behind Jared's neck. He held Jared's head as he leaned in, kissed Jared's soft lips.

"Yes," Jensen murmured against Jared's lips, surprising himself. "Yes, Jared. I would. If you asked me, I believe I would."

Jared's lips turned up under Jensen's and he let out a gust of breath as he smiled broadly, his cheeks dimpling deeply.

Their love-making was slower, more languid the second time, if no less intense. Jensen felt both consumed and released by Jared's love, by his utter confidence that they were meant for each other. It should have terrified him, but it didn't. He couldn't really work out in his mind why he felt so good in Jared's arms, why it felt so right. It just did.

And when he woke late in the night to find the bed empty and a wolf in the room, moonlight shining on its dark coat, eyes flashing as it watched Jensen, he wasn't even scared.

"Hey, Tristan," he spoke softly, keeping his movements slow and careful as he slipped out of bed to open the bedroom door, then leading the way down the hall to the front door. Tristan grazed his thigh as as he trotted out into the night, tongue lolling happily as he tasted the night air, then took off in a quiet lope down the street.

It only struck Jensen later how natural it had felt, how easily he understood Tristan's needs. _Wolves don't belong indoors,_ had been his only thought. _They need to run._

He never doubted that Jared would be back, and when Jensen woke the next morning, sun streaming through the open window next to the bed, Jared was lying right there next to him, naked and sound asleep and smelling like a pine tree.

Jensen leaned over him and breathed in the woodsy smell, pulled a couple of twigs from Jared's long hair, and planted a kiss on his shoulder. Jared mumbled something in his sleep and turned his face toward Jensen, and even though Jared was lying on his stomach, Jensen could see the twigs and pine needles on the sheet under his long, lean body.

"Hey," Jensen murmured into the crook of Jared's neck as he kissed him there, tasting tree-bark and pine-cones. "I have to go to work."

Jared moaned and shifted onto his side so he could reach for Jensen, so he could pull Jensen in with his long arms.

"No," he whined. "Stay home. Call in sick today."

"Ugh!" Jensen protested as he found himself lying in the scattering of dead leaves and dirt Jared left when he rolled over. "Did you dig a hole to China in the woods last night?"

Jared grinned. "Maybe," he agreed. His face was streaked with dirt and a pine needle was stuck to his eyebrow, so Jensen plucked it free, then laid his palm against Jared's stubbled cheek and rubbed his thumb along his soft lower lip.

"You need a shower," Jensen suggested, and Jared flushed and sank his teeth into the lip where Jensen's thumb had been.

Jared left muddy footprints in his wake as Jensen walked him to the bathroom, and it occurred to him that Jared must leave the bathroom window open in his apartment so Tristan could come home that way. Which explained why Jensen had never seen him return after his nightly run.

And that was when it occurred to Jensen that he'd stopped thinking Jared was insane and had become a believer. It had happened sometime in the night, maybe after they first made love but definitely before Tristan appeared, probably shortly after Jared proposed to him.

At the same time, Jensen realized it didn't really matter whether he believed werewolves were real. Jensen believed in Jared, wolf or not, and that in itself should be supernatural enough, since he barely knew the man and had already pretty much agreed to spend the rest of his life with him anyway.

Washing Jared in the shower led to mind-blowing sex, of course, so Jensen wasn't in much shape to go to work that day, as it turned out. It was easier than he thought it would be to lie to Danneel about staying home with a twisted ankle. Jensen was bruised and sore in places he would feel for a week, so it wasn't that far from the truth, really.

"Fine," Danneel sighed, pretending to be put-upon although the little snicker in her voice gave her away. "Stay home and feel better, Jen. I'll see you at the party tonight."

After Jensen changed the sheets on his bed and cleaned up the mud on the floor, he made omelets and coffee for breakfast, figuring Jared would be starving after all the physical activity of the previous night.

And of course watching Jared eat made Jensen so horny he finally pushed the food away and climbed into Jared's lap and kissed him thoroughly, chasing the taste of coffee and bacon around Jared's mouth with his tongue. Which caused Jared to surge up and lift Jensen in his arms, depositing him on his back on the kitchen table, sending the dishes crashing and clinking everywhere. Jared growled as he rutted against Jensen, who was grateful they were only wearing their jeans as Jared pushed his hand down between them. Jensen shimmied out of his jeans, then wrapped his legs around Jared's waist and held on as Jared rutted hard and fast, jacking both dicks with his big hand.

The mess they made was definitely something Jensen's mother would have been grateful she hadn't lived to see.

**//**

Jensen's heart was pounding and his adrenaline pumping hard when he and Jared approached Genevieve's front door that evening.

"Come in!" Genevieve welcomed them, giving Jensen an appraising once-over as she stepped back to let them in.

Jensen was wearing a dark tee-shirt, another soft henley with the sleeves rolled up, and grey cords that showed off his thighs. Jared had talked him into leaving behind the beanie and glasses at the last minute, and Jensen had never felt so naked.

Jared's hand on the small of Jensen's back was reassuring, though, and Jared's large body pressed alongside his gave Jensen enough strength to manage a smile as he moved past Genevieve into her house.

Two men Jensen had never seen before were seated in the small living room; they both had beers in their hands and looked nervous, like they were anxious relatives in a hospital awaiting word of a loved one's condition after an operation.

Or a birth.

"Jensen, meet Rich and Rob," Jared murmured into his ear, and Jensen could hear the smile in his voice so he stepped forward and put his hand out as the two men rose simultaneously.

"Hey," one of the men said, stepping forward to take Jensen's hand, smiling warmly. Sympathetically. Like he knew how nerve-wracking it was for Jensen to meet Jared's family for the first time, like he understood how under-the-microscope Jensen felt. "He makes it sound like we're interchangeable, but I'm Rob. This is Rich."

Rob stepped back, putting his hand on his partner's shoulder, and the other man stepped forward, face breaking into a dimpled grin as he took Jensen's hand.

"Good to meet you," Jensen nodded, trying not to stutter. Rich winked at him but didn't answer, and Jensen remembered Jared telling him that Rich was deaf.

"Hey, Jenny." Danneel's voice, dripping with its usual teasing irony, surprised Jensen for just a minute before he turned to see her standing in the kitchen doorway behind Genevieve, wineglass in hand.

Genevieve turned her head and lowered her eyes as she sensed Danneel standing close behind her, and the spot of color Jensen glimpsed in her cheeks made Jensen smile despite himself. The tall, snarky redhead and the short, voluptuous brunette looked ridiculously happy together, and Jensen had to admit it was a good look on both of them.

"Yeah, you're not the only one who called in sick today," Danneel smirked in answer to Jensen's raised eyebrow. "Gen and I have a few things in common, turns out."

"Can I get you something to drink?" Genevieve asked, most of her earlier tension and hostility drained away, replaced by an easy charm that Jensen knew he could warm to. He had the feeling Genevieve was as kind and good-hearted as she was fiercely protective of those she loved, and Jensen approved. He liked her for that more than he would have thought possible even a day ago.

"So, this is your pack," Jensen noted as he accepted the glass of merlot Genevieve offered. He sat on the love-seat with Jared, pressed together from hip to knee. Jared's arm lay casually across the back of the seat, and Jensen was aware that if he sat back against the cushions he could tuck up under Jared's arm like he belonged there, sending a clear signal to the others if he needed to.

He leaned forward, elbows on his knees, holding his glass in both hands.

"This is it," Jared agreed, and although from this angle Jensen couldn't see Jared's face without turning, he could tell the larger man was smiling.

"We understand you'll be joining us," Rob said, tentative but clearly curious.

"Well." Jensen cleared his throat, shifted a little on the soft sofa, then realized how that might look to the others and blushed to the tips of his ears. Jared had already warned him that the others would know, just by smell, that they were mated. "I guess – I guess that depends."

"On what?" Genevieve demanded.

Danneel pressed against the smaller woman, leaning in and brushing her lips against Genevieve's ear, soothing. Then she lifted her eyes to Jensen, shaking her head a little, as if she could still control him with a look, as she was used to doing at work.

Jensen took a deep breath. "Well, it depends on whether you want me to join you," he said quietly. "Jared and I have already made our commitment. Now it's up to you."

Jensen could feel Jared's heat against his leg, against his back even though Jared was leaning back on the love-seat, giving Jensen space. He could feel something else, too; something deep and strong and powerful and a little bit wild. His wolf, he realized for the first time.

"Oh my God," Genevieve breathed. "Did you see that? Did you – "

Jensen looked up at her. She was staring at him with an expression of startled awe, like she was seeing him for the first time and he was definitely not who she expected him to be.

Jensen glanced around the room, found the same expression on the faces of the others. Danneel frowned in confusion.

"What?" she asked, clearly not seeing what they were seeing. "I don't get it."

Genevieve stared at Jensen another moment, then shook her head. "His wolf," she explained. "He's very strong."

"He's an alpha," Rob said. "He'll be our leader."

Jensen felt his eyebrows shoot up.

"What?" His voice sounded high and squeaky, even to his ears. "I'm not – that's not who I am... I don't know the first thing about all of this."

"Your wolf does," Rob nodded sagely. "It's all up to him anyway. Not like it's something you have much say over. That's just the way it is, for all of us."

Rich put his hand on Rob's arm and Rob turned to look at his partner as Rich made a comment in American Sign Language. Rob blushed, then turned back to Jensen.

"He says you'll just have to get used to being a top," Rob translated as Rich smirked and winked at Jensen.

"He already has," Jared purred, sliding his hand along Jensen's thigh, possessive and proud.

"Oh my God, will you two get a room!" Danneel carped, rolling her eyes.

Rich shook his head vigorously, hands flying as he made another comment.

"He says no way. He wants to watch," Rob translated, and Rich winked at Jensen again as Danneel groaned.

"Time to eat!" Genevieve announced.

Over dinner, Jensen got an earful from Rob, Rich, and Genevieve about their pasts. He and Danneel listened attentively as the pack told their stories of persistence and resilience in the face of challenges Jensen could only imagine. When it was Jared's turn, he told an abbreviated version of what had happened to him as a child, then how he and Genevieve found each other as teenagers and made the change together.

"I grew up with a learning disability," Danneel admitted when it was her turn. "I'm dyslexic. When I was little I presented with a variety of developmental delays, and for a long time the doctors thought I was autistic. I learned a lot of coping strategies to help me communicate. For example, I was speech-delayed, so I learned ASL." She nodded at Rich, who grinned adorably, dimples on full display. "I still don't read or write very well."

"But you work in a library!" Jensen couldn't help exclaiming. He'd never known any of this about Danneel, and it amazed him that his smart, capable boss had ever had a challenge in her life, much less a life-long disability that she managed every day.

Danneel smirked. "I'm kind of a bitch, in case you hadn't noticed," she said. "I like to conquer things that get in my way. Reading was and still is a real challenge for me, and being a librarian is my way of saying 'fuck-you' to that challenge. It's just the way I'm made, I guess."

"It sure is," Genevieve nodded approvingly, and Jensen felt himself smiling, too.

Except that now it was his turn.

All eyes turned his way, and Jensen could feel Jared leaning toward him a little, sliding his hand onto Jensen's thigh under the table, where the others couldn't see his gesture of reassurance. Sweat broke out on Jensen's hands and the back of his neck, and he could feel a slow flush creeping up his chest.

"My turn," he cleared his throat, shifted in his chair, and looked down at his empty plate. "Yeah."

Jared squeezed Jensen's thigh gently. "You don't have to if you don't want to," he murmured quietly.

"No," Jensen surprised himself, looking up quickly, drinking in Jared's startling beauty to give him confidence before glancing around the table at the others. They were all sitting quietly, watching him, open and expectant.

Jensen took a deep breath. "Something happened, when I was a child," he said. "I don't remember it, exactly, but it was pretty bad, I guess. We lived in Dallas, and that's where it happened. It's probably in the papers, I don't know. I've never... "

He cleared his throat, reached for his glass of water, and took a sip. When he set the glass down, his hand was shaking. Jared took his other hand and laced their fingers together.

"I guess my disability is on the inside," Jensen tapped his temple. "In here. I'm probably a psychopath, I don't know." He rubbed the back of his neck, then wiped his sweating palm down his thigh. "Maybe I'm a closet serial killer or something." He huffed out a nervous laugh, but no one joined him.

"You're not," Jared murmured close to his ear.

The others shook their heads in agreement.

"We'd know," Rob assured him. "Not that there isn't something a little dangerous about you."

Rich nodded. "Your wolf is a real badass," he signed.

"Huh," Jensen chuckled. "So when do I get to meet him? How's the whole wolf-thing work, anyway?"

"That's up to him," Genevieve said.

"So – it's not something I can control?" Jensen felt a prickle of something akin to fear run up his spine.

"Not exactly," Genevieve agreed. "Your wolf decides when he needs to run. Then it just – happens."

"Not in public, I hope," Danneel made a face, and the others exchanged smiles.

"Not usually, although we have this theory," Rob said. "If you're ever in any immediate danger, your wolf would probably take over. It's not something we've ever tested, but it feels like that would happen. They're very protective.

"And the whole not-aging thing," Danneel pressed. "Does that start right away? How old are you guys really?"

"Gen and I were born in 1955," Jared said. "The boys are younger."

Jensen gazed at Jared's strong profile, his smooth skin and dark, lustrous hair. They'd already discussed the aging thing, and Jared had already explained how he did, in fact, age. Just very slowly.

"I'm gonna call you 'Old Man' from now on," Jensen said fondly, reaching up to tuck a strand of Jared's hair behind his ear.

"But why doesn't Rich have cochlear implants?" Danneel pressed, signing as she spoke, although Rich could obviously read lips with near-perfect accuracy. "I mean, even if you were born in 1970, most deaf kids today can have them if their parents want them."

"Rich lost his hearing when he was a baby," Rob explained. "Adverse reaction to the measles vaccine. It happens to a tiny percentage of children, or at least it used to before they fixed the vaccine. And you're right; back then they didn't have the implants. And once Rich became a werewolf, it wasn't an option."

Rich nodded and continued Rob's explanation in ASL, with Rob translating for Jensen's benefit. "There's a downside to the healing thing; your body heals itself too perfectly now, so surgeries of any kind heal up too quickly to make any difference. Not that I would've had the implants if I could have. I've always been deaf. It's who I am. It's not something I want to change."

"But your wolf can hear," Danneel stated the obvious, and Rich nodded.

"Believe me, being aware of sound in the forest at night is something I treasure," Rich signed. "But I wouldn't want to be human out there. It's a wilderness. My wolf can handle all that aural stimulation. Me, I prefer oral stimulation, if you know what I mean." He smirked and winked at Jensen, who felt himself blush as Rob translated.

"So – the wolves have sex?" Danneel asked, blunt as ever.

"Yes," Genevieve said.

"No!" Jared spoke at the same time, and Jensen half-turned to look at him, noting his frown and the clench of his jaw. In the awkward silence that followed, Jensen glanced up at Genevieve, who was deliberately avoiding his eyes.

"Sometimes," Rob spoke finally. "But only with their mates. Wolves are monogamous. They mate for life, as I'm sure you already know."

"Why do I get the feeling that's not always the case?" Danneel asked, glancing between Genevieve and Jared, then raising her eyebrows at Jensen.

"We were kids," Genevieve sighed, shaking her head. "When Jared and I found each other, we were the only ones. I was recovering from my accident, getting used to my prosthetic, and feeling pretty ugly and unwanted. Jared was being a good friend. I came on a little strong."

She looked Jensen in the eye as she added, "It was a long time ago. It was obvious we weren't meant for each other. He was waiting for you."

"All those years?" The words slipped out before Jensen could stop them. "I wasn't even born yet."

He was suddenly overwhelmed by the magnitude of Jared's suffering. It was one thing to be alone and delude yourself into thinking that loneliness was a choice, as Jensen had done all his life. It was another thing entirely to know there was someone out there for you, but only one someone, the only person who could fulfill your instinctive need for a mate, an instinct that wasn't even human. Jensen could almost hear the howling of the lone wolf in his head and he could only imagine the extent of Jared's forty years of longing.

"He picked up your scent in Dallas about a year ago," Genevieve explained. "It was an old scent, but he knew it was you."

"We've been all over the country, Jensen. You have no idea," Rob chimed in. "When Rich and I first joined the pack, we just figured that's the way it was, always being on the road, moving around the country, never putting down roots for more than a few months at a time."

"Little did we know we were following a madman," Rich signed. "A madman on an epic quest."

"We knew," Genevieve said with a touch of bitterness. "Some of us just didn't believe it, that's all."

 _If you can't be with the one you love, honey..._ The line from the old song drifted through Jensen's mind, followed by a pang of guilt. Genevieve had suffered, too. She'd loved Jared, even if Jared didn't return her feelings. Even if she must have known, in her heart, that Jared wasn't her one true mate.

"Good thing you followed him anyway," Danneel said, slipping her hand into Genevieve's, who looked up at her in surprise, as if she'd momentarily forgotten that her own search was over. As if her years of waiting and wanting had become so ingrained in her sense of herself she couldn't quite believe they were in the past now.

Then Genevieve's face softened into a shy smile, the flush in her cheeks making her eyes sparkle as she squeezed Danneel's hand.

"Yeah," she agreed. "Yeah, it's a good thing after all."

Jensen had a feeling it would take Genevieve a while to shake her habit of pining for something she didn't really want but had been completely ready to settle for. It was similar to his own predicament. Jensen had never expected to fall in love. He'd decided he wasn't even capable of it, and he'd reconciled himself to that. For years.

Then, so suddenly it felt like a bomb had gone off in his heart, everything had changed.

Jared's hand slipped into Jensen's under the table and squeezed.

**//**

As it turned out, it was several weeks before Jensen's first change. He'd been expecting it, freaking out a little about it if he was honest with himself. But when it finally happened, it wasn't at all what he expected.

It was close to Christmas, and the first snow was already on the ground. Jared and Jensen had gone to bed early because there was a fund-raising event at the library the next day and Jensen needed to be up at the crack of dawn to help set up. Sometime in the night he was awakened by the sharp smell of snow, a sensation of cold, and the sudden urge to move. 

But first he had to climb, then jump, to get out where he could run. So he did. The air was crisp and cold and the moon shone on the snow, making everything seem bright as day. He was running through the woods, making his blood pump, warming and stretching his limbs. It felt good; the forest floor was covered with obstacles that he could easily leap over and around, and when he came to a small stream he jumped across easily and kept running, up the hill, always upwards, towards the moon.

He was aware of other runners, flanking him on the left and right. Jared, of course, and the others. His pack. He didn't need to see them, didn't need to glance over his shoulder to know they were there. He could sense them, could feel their exhilaration and excitement as they ran with him, always having his back.

He burst out of the tree-line and ran along the ridge overlooking a wide valley. He could see a lake in the distance, shining in the moonlight, and at the far edge of his vision a silver line where the land met the ocean. His heart pounded, his lungs pumping perfectly, the sense of openness and belonging filling him with sheer joy. The world belonged to him, these woods and mountains and valleys lakes, all the way to the ocean. It was his, it was part of him. He could run forever and there would always be more land to claim, to climb, to leap and run over. It made him want to howl with joy, this feeling of open space, of being up high where he could see everything. Sense everything.

He turned to look at Jared, finding his mate's beautiful golden eyes gazing back at him, and he knew Jared felt the same way. He knew Jared shared his joy with all the wildness in his heart.

Jensen woke up in his bed, breathing hard and covered with a thin layer of sweat.

Of course he was sweating. He'd just been running.

Jared was awake, and although the moon had set and the room was dark, Jensen could swear he was smiling. Grinning from ear to ear, in fact.

Jensen rolled over, slotting himself between Jared's long legs, and ground their hips together, slow and steady. He watched Jared's head tip back and his eyes slide closed, watched his mouth going slack with pleasure. He noticed the twigs in Jared's hair, was vaguely aware of the thin layer of dirt covering both their naked bodies, could feel the snow melting in his hair.

They didn't speak, didn't even kiss, and when Jensen pushed into Jared's willing body Jared let out a relieved sigh, a contented sound that brought tears to Jensen's eyes. Sinking into Jared was like sinking into the Earth itself, becoming part of something more than human, more than wolf, a natural thing that Jensen couldn't put words to if he wanted to because there was no language for this, this union with something greater than either of them.

Afterwards, Jensen lay curled around Jared with his face buried in Jared's sweat-soaked skin, his body that smelled like soil and mountain pine and cold night air, and he knew he smelled the same to Jared. He was woods and earth and sun and moon and sea. He was everything Jared would ever need.

Jared and the pack were Jensen's home now. His wolf was finally free.


End file.
